It was always you
It’s been really clear to me lately that where my focus goes so does my energy. I’ve seen so many videos and posts on social media talking about dating yourself. Being recently single myself I guess it’s something that’s been on my mind and so when those things pop up I’m more likely to notice them.
I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about how I currently spend my time and how I would actually like to spend my time if I thought about it and the life I want to lead. I let so much of my time pass by default without actually doing fun things and I want to make a change.
What does it even mean to date yourself you ask? So I’ve gone ahead and interpreted this idea as simply spending more time with yourself but treating yourself the way you would a potential partner. So instead of opening a bag of chips, painting your nails and flicking through Netflix, you take yourself out to somewhere you’d take a date. You get dressed up (or dress appropriate) and you take yourself out to do something that makes you happy.
When you’re in a relationship with someone there is always an element of compromise and doing things they want to do. This is your opportunity to anything you like! Spending time on your own, with your thoughts is a great way to reflect on your needs and your growth.
Doing things alone helps to build your confidence and gets you outside of your comfort zone. When you check in with yourself you understand yourself better. It’s easy to stay busy meeting up with people, focusing on work, and distracting yourself with social media. Looking inward can be a scary thing, but the relationship you have with yourself is the most important one.
Like a lot of people I struggle with negative self-talk. It’s always easier to believe the bad things about yourself and hear it on a loop inside your head when you feel low. Taking ownership of what is going on inside your head is the key to making it better. One of the biggest things that has helped me is to check in and ask myself, would I say these things to my friends? If I said all of the mean comments going through my mind to others I would find myself friendless very quickly.
You have always been the right one for you. Now that you know, take yourself out and have fun.
Some tips on dating yourself for beginners:
Get ready like you would for a date with someone else. So if you’re going to dinner and a movie and you’d usually do your hair, shave, wear a new outfit, do that. It should feel like a real date.
Have a plan. Are you going to that new exhibition? Maybe a museum? Maybe you’ll go for a walk and collect your favourite take-out to enjoy while watching a movie at home. Give yourself the courtesy of booking in the time and make it happen.
Check that self-talk. You wouldn’t go on and on about your nasty habits or your dysfunctional family or your bout with depression on a date, would you? Maybe you would, after some wine, but focusing on the positive, at least this early in the game, always yields better results.
I hope this can help someone else out there rediscover themselves and their own likes and dislikes.
